Gift.

When I was 5 or 6 years old I used to periodically imagine that my whole life had been a dream right until the present moment I was experiencing & that today, now, was the first real moment of my existence. It always gave me a subtle but real feeling of the numinous & the cosmic. I didn’t have terminology for it but I supposed it was my first transcendent experience if I can call it that. Maybe it would be more accurate to call it an inkling. It was my first inkling that consciousness was more than just me; that I awoke from a deeper source of being. It is a strange thing because I appeared to be able to summon the feeling at will. But it nevertheless felt very mysterious & numinous; like I wasn’t fully in control of the feeling.

It made me feel present. Grounded. Awake. New. Fully aware and appreciative of the miracle of the now.  I suppose this is my mystical grounding. Before God, Before information. Before Ideology.  Before anything. There was this sense of: “This is the beginning. This is consciousness. This is life. This is sacred.

From that foundational place which was a divine gift, I believe my psyche may have been constructed. I return to this place with gratitude now & again. It is a spiritual place for me. It has no time & location to it. It is completely devoid of anything other than presence & that is its wholeness.

When I return to this place I am reminded that life & reality itself is a gift.